Choices

I’ve been thinking lately about how prone we are to make choices that seem to be easiest, most comfortable, most convenient, or even most fun . . . at least for the moment, even when it goes against what we say we believe.  (Yes, we all do it!!) 

"I believe that it is best to put money into savings every paycheck, but I really want (need?) to buy _______ right now."

"I believe it's best if I don't eat half of the container of ice cream, but . . . "  (Yes, I've done it!!)

"I believe my children need to have consequences for talking back, but . . . I'm too tired to deal with them now."

The sad thing about taking the 'easy road' is that we miss out on growing in ways we never imagined.

Danelle, a friend who was in youth group with our kids in Atlantic, recently posted the following on her Facebook page.  I asked for permission to post it here because I thought it was a great illustration of how we can be changed when we choose the more difficult path.  Thank you, Danelle!  (And thanks to the rest of you who are open to reading a much longer post!)

 

What if I had made a different choice...

by Danelle Zellmer Skartvedt on Saturday, January 22, 2011 at 1:16pm

 Recently, I have been thinking a lot about a time over 7 years ago.  I remember standing alone in the Student Health Center in college with a nurse who was holding a manila envelope.  She looked at me and said, "Are you going to keep it or get rid of it?”  I remember in that moment, it was like a movie.  Time seemed to stop.  I remember thinking “It?”  "Wait, I'm pregnant?”  "I could get rid of it, I guess.” 

I was 21 and my fiancé didn't know I was there.  He wouldn't have to know and I could go on living my life in college.  Going out, competing and traveling with the livestock judging team, classes, etc.  But as I stood there, thoughts and memories entered my mind.  I remembered my childhood, learning to read, riding my bike, going to prom, all good memories.  I had been told abortion was wrong, but did I believe that?  As I stood there contemplating, I am certain that nurse thought I was crazy.  As I continued to think and weigh my options, I began to find a solid belief in my heart that this indeed was a child in my body - a baby who would live and grow and change my life.  I really believed at that moment it was a boy and a bond began in my mind, heart, and soul.  I wanted to protect this little being.  While I felt major anxiety over how on earth I would provide for a baby, I slowly felt a new feeling spreading over me...JOY!  I remember looking at the nurse and saying “I am going to keep him.”  She smiled and went on about her business.  I left that day and of course went through the natural responses to this kind of event; fear, disbelief, elation, joy, frustration, sadness, happiness, and peace.  I won't say that it was easy; there were many things that changed in my life.  Certainly, there were times when I wished I had not made the decisions I had made.  My fiancé-now husband, went through these phases and mercifully we seemed to be on different pages at different times.  He was a major comfort to me.

I realize that many women find themselves in this situation and no one is there to go through it with them.  My heart aches for you, I was and continue to be truly blessed to have a man who loves me and our children unconditionally.  I believe that your baby is loved so much already, that a way will be provided.  I don't write this kind of note to pass judgment or to shame.  I know now that in this situation women are often lied to and have no concept of the gift they hold within.  I believe we all fall short and only the One who set me free really cares about you and yours.  Please, know that there is hope and this is just the dark before the morning.  If you have already chosen this path and find yourself with unspeakable guilt and pain . . . please know your baby is safe.  He takes care of the weak and the fatherless.  Freedom is just a heartbeat away, call out to Him and find a peace you never felt possible. 

I remember, too, the feeling as I lay there after twenty-four hours of labor, ending with an emergency c-section, it was done.  I heard his scream and looked up to see a purple little life, gulping air and letting us all know he was not happy to have been yanked from his comfortable home.  As I watched him scream and slowly fell asleep from all of the medication and exhaustion, I remember feeling such peace.  My baby was safely here.  Later as I examined him, looking at his tiny fingers and toes, watching him breathe, I remember thinking what an amazing thing life is.  Flesh and bones, so small and delicate.  We named him Drew and took him home to our little trailer on Duff Ave.  I was so scared, so overwhelmed by it all.  Sometimes, I wanted to hide and not get up and deal with the screaming little baby in the middle of the night.  He was such a gift and yet it was so hard for me to balance everything.  Even in the midst of this anxious situation, I was changed.  Slowly, I realized I couldn't protect Drew, but the One who made him would!  I'll not sit here and say that life has been all roses and sunshine since that time.  However, with the sadness and struggles have come a faith that cannot be taken away.  I am weak, but He is strong and, oh, how He loves me . . . and you, too.                                                                                                                       
Drew, today.   Perfect 'choice,' Danelle!                                                                             

I have no excuse . . .

For not writing anything since Christmas!!  It's not because I haven't thought to write.  One time when I wanted to write I was exasperated - so I thought, "I don't want to write anything negative, so I just better not write anything at all!"  Another time I actually wrote a 'beginning of the year' kind of thing, but I must confess that I wasn't so keen on having to be accountable so I didn't post it!! (The truth is out!!)  Another time I just felt that what I had written was pretty boring so once again, not posted!

After all this long time, I decided that I needed to post something or just wave goodbye to the old blog!!  What have I learned during this 'dry' time?  Even the best writers (don't worry, I'm not grouping myself with them) write things that are never seen by others.  So, in that sense, I join their circle!!

I will comment that during this month+ we did get to see our sweet grandbabies.  So you will have to endure a picture! 

Aren't they precious??!

Tomorrow I will be posting a guest writer on this blog.  She has a story that is well

worth reading!

Hope you will be back!

Karol

It is Christmas Eve afternoon

and the snow is falling like powdered sugar here in St. Louis.  The fluffy little ‘Dark-eyed Juncos’ flock the ground leaving tiny footprints in the new-fallen snow.  While the vast majority of people are putting the finishing touches on gifts and food in anticipation of family celebrations tonight and tomorrow, Terry and I are enjoying the quiet calm and relaxation that comes with no additional people or responsibilities in the next two days - other than the anticipated Christmas Eve service!  It’s rather reminiscent of those ‘blizzard days’ in Iowa when everyone stays at home relishing a ‘forced holiday.’ 

Following a short trip to his office to make sure all the finishing touches are completed on his Christmas Eve message, Terry has a jigsaw puzzle started and is outside scooping the fluffy snow off the driveway.  After taking the ‘thankful-to-have-you-as-neighbors’ treats to houses around us, I am leisurely wrapping presents to be given next week.  Food is stocked and Christmas music quietly plays in the background. (Obviously, I don’t work in retail in which case I might be ready to scream hearing one more rendition of “I’m Dreaming of a White Christmas!”) 

What strikes me is the time that we have had for our minds to linger on that night (whatever time of year it was) two thousand years ago when a young and ‘inexperienced’ (if you know what I mean) woman gave birth in a stable to the King-of-the-Universe and Savior-of-All-Who-Believe. 

Terry and I have had several conversations about all the ramifications this one event had on the lives of people, both at that time in history as well as all throughout the rest of time and eternity!  As I mull this over, I am struck by my tendency toward ‘busy-ness,’ when I realize that having the time to really ponder this is such a rarity!!  Thank You, Lord, for this moment of ‘slow-motion’ and help me to slow down much more often!

 

Don’t get me wrong, our lingering thoughts might be interrupted by sadness if we didn’t have the anticipation of celebrating with our family next week!!  And, so, the inevitable hustle and bustle of packing and traveling will come.  But today, I’m so thankful for this time to ponder, resulting in grateful worship of this amazingly generous and merciful God!   

Happy Birthday, Jesus!

Karol

Midday, just today . . .

 we walked into a restaurant (I know, we do that far too often) just ahead of an ‘upper-middle-aged woman’ and one appearing to be a generation older who was leaning on her friend for support.  They were both ‘dressed to the nines,’ to use an old cliché – fur coats, large glitzy broaches, sparkly dangling earrings, hose and heels (and I am assuming there were equally dazzling outfits beneath the coats!).  The older woman’s hair was teased and bleached in a style befitting her age while the younger one’s was in hair-sprayed looping curls just a shade less ‘done’ than her friend's.

When we got to the restaurant door, Terry held the door for me to walk in ahead of him.  He waited holding the door for the following ladies while I walked to the next door (of the airlock entrance) and held it for them as well.  This was not something that took any thought on either Terry’s or my part.  It’s just a natural, second-nature thing to do.  The younger of the women said, “Why, thank you so much!!  That is so amazingly kind of you both to do for us!  Really, you must go on ahead of us . . . ”

I was somewhat stunned!  Really?!!  Is this such an uncommon thing?  It was no big deal!   I said, “No, please, we’re in no hurry . . .” and she gushed at our kindness.  I know that kindness is not this uncommon, but one never knows when you will be conveying it to someone who is unaccustomed to it!!  By the way . . . the restaurant was . . . Wendy’s!!!  

Today is Monday.  The dryer is running.  The exercise bike has been ridden (I wish I could say that with enthusiasm, but I can’t!).  The Bible has been read.  The prayers have been offered up.  The leaves cling colorfully on the trees in my yard.  The surfaces of my kitchen still wait for the accumulated clutter of the weekend to be cleaned up – put away.  The week begins; anticipating many interactions and conversations outside my home in the days to come.  But, now, on this Monday, I bask in the silence.  I eagerly anticipate the mundane house chores to be done and errands to be run.  I wouldn’t want every day to be like today – this Monday.  But today, it is a pleasure.

Next time,

Karol

I have been avoiding my blog site

I must confess that I have been avoiding my blog site this past week.  Not because there is nothing on my mind, but rather because I have been so aware of all the ‘bad stuff’ going on in this world and I didn’t want to write a sad or negative blog!!

On a personal level, several friends are dealing with cancer, or dealing with extreme marriage issues, or battling depression, loss of jobs, or incomes below poverty level.  Apart from God’s direct intervention, any one of these people could be feeling utter hopelessness!!  And that doesn’t even address the national and international crises that are prevalent today.

Last week, I was sitting in the Louisville airport waiting for Jamie to pick me up.  I had a book on my lap, although I was staring off into space.  Suddenly, I was aware – in my peripheral vision - of a child laughing and running in a circle around a woman who appeared to be his grandmother.  My attention was drawn to his mom saying good-bye to his dad.  It seemed that Mom, Grandma, Grandpa, and the little boy were taking a trip.

The little boy was running and laughing and, suddenly, I became aware.  His left leg was a flesh colored prosthetic with a brand-new tennis shoe on the foot and his right leg was one of those ‘titanium, bionic looking legs’ with a matching shoe.  He seemed oblivious.  And then, I noticed, as he grabbed his grandma’s shoulder bag and wound it around her, he had no hands!!  Just rounded stumps above the wrists!  Again, he was delightedly oblivious.  What a picture of things far surpassing a little boy with no hands and feet!! 

Are we able to delight in the joys of God in the midst of dark circumstances?  Are we able to say, “This is my life and I know ‘My Redeemer Lives!'?”  Are we able to rejoice that we have new strength (legs) which enables us to run as we were never able to before?  Can we get to the point beyond the response of, “Oh, that’s so easy for you to say!!”  That place where, like Joni Erickson Tada, we see that, apart from this circumstance, we would not comprehend the all-sufficient grace and power in our lives of the One who makes all things new?  Oh, I know, I’m wading in deep, deep waters right now.  Waters that are as far away as the Indian Ocean is from our mid-American homes to those who have only ‘inch-deep’ interest or even no interest in the amazing and personal God of the universe. 

I don’t pretend to have a strong grasp on this ‘place beyond.’  But I am seeing it . . . perhaps most vividly in the lives of those friends I mentioned earlier!  As Sam Storms writes in his chapter of the edited book of essays called,  For the Fame of God’s Name, “We are talking here about a deep, (not superficial or merely surface), durable (it sustains you in the worst of times, no less than in the best of times) delight (not merely duty or following God out of a sense of moral obligation) in the splendor of God (not in the stuff or goodies or achievements that occupy so many today) that utterly ruins you for anything else.” (p. 60)

And, so, this is the preoccupation of my mind these days!!

Next time,

Karol

I’m off to Lydia’s

Well, since the other two grandkids have just had their pictures posted, I can’t ignore grandchild #2!!  Lydia is nearly four months old already!!  AND I am on my way there tomorrow to spend a couple of days with her (oh, yes, and her mommy and daddy!!)  This will be the end of the Southwest Airline 39^th Anniversary Sale trips that I secured last summer!!  Cheaper than driving!!

Anyway, Lydia and I will do some cooking for the freezer interspersed with rocking and smiling and reading and eating and cooing and sleeping!!  More FUN!  I'm not sure I can take it!!

I certainly can’t wait until I can get all three ‘grandkins’ together for a picture.  Rest assured that, when it happens, it will be posted as well!!

Hope your Thanksgiving Month is started off with many thanks!!!

Next time,

Karol