"I believe that it is best to put money into savings every paycheck, but I really want (need?) to buy _______ right now."
"I believe it's best if I don't eat half of the container of ice cream, but . . . " (Yes, I've done it!!)
"I believe my children need to have consequences for talking back, but . . . I'm too tired to deal with them now."
The sad thing about taking the 'easy road' is that we miss out on growing in ways we never imagined.
Danelle, a friend who was in youth group with our kids in Atlantic, recently posted the following on her Facebook page. I asked for permission to post it here because I thought it was a great illustration of how we can be changed when we choose the more difficult path. Thank you, Danelle! (And thanks to the rest of you who are open to reading a much longer post!)
What if I had made a different choice...
Recently, I have been thinking a lot about a time over 7 years ago. I remember standing alone in the Student Health Center in college with a nurse who was holding a manila envelope. She looked at me and said, "Are you going to keep it or get rid of it?” I remember in that moment, it was like a movie. Time seemed to stop. I remember thinking “It?” "Wait, I'm pregnant?” "I could get rid of it, I guess.”
I was 21 and my fiancé didn't know I was there. He wouldn't have to know and I could go on living my life in college. Going out, competing and traveling with the livestock judging team, classes, etc. But as I stood there, thoughts and memories entered my mind. I remembered my childhood, learning to read, riding my bike, going to prom, all good memories. I had been told abortion was wrong, but did I believe that? As I stood there contemplating, I am certain that nurse thought I was crazy. As I continued to think and weigh my options, I began to find a solid belief in my heart that this indeed was a child in my body - a baby who would live and grow and change my life. I really believed at that moment it was a boy and a bond began in my mind, heart, and soul. I wanted to protect this little being. While I felt major anxiety over how on earth I would provide for a baby, I slowly felt a new feeling spreading over me...JOY! I remember looking at the nurse and saying “I am going to keep him.” She smiled and went on about her business. I left that day and of course went through the natural responses to this kind of event; fear, disbelief, elation, joy, frustration, sadness, happiness, and peace. I won't say that it was easy; there were many things that changed in my life. Certainly, there were times when I wished I had not made the decisions I had made. My fiancé-now husband, went through these phases and mercifully we seemed to be on different pages at different times. He was a major comfort to me.
I realize that many women find themselves in this situation and no one is there to go through it with them. My heart aches for you, I was and continue to be truly blessed to have a man who loves me and our children unconditionally. I believe that your baby is loved so much already, that a way will be provided. I don't write this kind of note to pass judgment or to shame. I know now that in this situation women are often lied to and have no concept of the gift they hold within. I believe we all fall short and only the One who set me free really cares about you and yours. Please, know that there is hope and this is just the dark before the morning. If you have already chosen this path and find yourself with unspeakable guilt and pain . . . please know your baby is safe. He takes care of the weak and the fatherless. Freedom is just a heartbeat away, call out to Him and find a peace you never felt possible.
I remember, too, the feeling as I lay there after twenty-four hours of labor, ending with an emergency c-section, it was done. I heard his scream and looked up to see a purple little life, gulping air and letting us all know he was not happy to have been yanked from his comfortable home. As I watched him scream and slowly fell asleep from all of the medication and exhaustion, I remember feeling such peace. My baby was safely here. Later as I examined him, looking at his tiny fingers and toes, watching him breathe, I remember thinking what an amazing thing life is. Flesh and bones, so small and delicate. We named him Drew and took him home to our little trailer on Duff Ave. I was so scared, so overwhelmed by it all. Sometimes, I wanted to hide and not get up and deal with the screaming little baby in the middle of the night. He was such a gift and yet it was so hard for me to balance everything. Even in the midst of this anxious situation, I was changed. Slowly, I realized I couldn't protect Drew, but the One who made him would! I'll not sit here and say that life has been all roses and sunshine since that time. However, with the sadness and struggles have come a faith that cannot be taken away. I am weak, but He is strong and, oh, how He loves me . . . and you, too.
Drew, today. Perfect 'choice,' Danelle!
Drew, today. Perfect 'choice,' Danelle!
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